We Have a Relationship Problem, not a Political Problem in America

Until We Fix It, Politics and Government Will Not Get Better

I think, by now, my own bias is very well known and, of course, I voted for Kamala Harris. I am devastated that she lost, obviously. I will leave it to the pundits to dissect why, who when and how. There are many political and national issues that may have driven the result today. But I actually don’t think any of those political or campaign reasons are the overriding reason for Harris’ loss. I think it is a very different problem that started nearly ten years ago, more dramatically. Or perhaps has always been here, to some degree, but it is not a political reason.

We have an American problem: We have stopped talking to each other and we are not listening to each other, quite literally, at all. We all sit in a bubble.

Love, hate and fear are all powerful emotions. When solidarity against one another becomes the jet fuel for those emotions we hunker down with only folks who think we agree with and stay in our protected silos. I’m guilty of it. Instead of prioritizing working together as neighbors and communicating, we have prioritized working against each other because of our love, hate and fear.

It really isn’t political; it is cultural and a very human problem. We have become very comfortable not communicating.

We, in these beautiful United States of America must figure out a way forward that is not filled with suspicion, blaming, paranoia, bullying and disrespect. On both sides. Yes, I said both. Again, I will leave it to pundits and experts about the disinformation and interference issues. Those need to be addressed too.

Like any lofty dream, mending a relationship starts as a whisper and then, after many discussions, it begins to work and grow.

Funny thing about trust and respect, it comes in baby steps, not huge leaps. One person takes a small chance on another. Then another reciprocates. Pretty soon the chances are bigger and at some point, a conversation has begun.

I know it seems impossible. Some folks will say: “How can I possibly have a respectful conversation, much less a relationship with a racist, a bigot, fascist, communist, socialist, homophobe, xenophobe, someone who discriminates against A, B, C, or D?”

We cannot solve our problems with just politics and legislation. It won’t work. It has to be about relationship building.

Michelle Obama famously said, “It’s hard to hate people up close.” So, move in closer, see people in person (not on social media) and have a starter conversation, folks.

This unique science experiment called the U.S., a blend of a democracy and republic, has been through great fissures, huge, insurmountable differences and we have figured it out every time, together. It always started with one uncomfortable conversation and two folks who did not see eye to eye.

During and after the Civil War, it seemed truly impossible. And yet, we worked together and of course, certainly made mistakes in an effort to repair the country and relationships, but we kept trying. Reconstruction in its original form was changed and aborted to appease southern leaders instead of helping those that needed it the most. That was challenging. It worked for a few, but not everyone. We then, got to work as neighbors to create better solutions that work for everyone. We gained some progress. Ultimately, we persisted, kept trying and over time, we as Americans, worked together to try to make it better.  It took a century.

In the 1930’s a national Catholic priest radio host, Father Charles Coughlin, who supported Antisemitism and was pro-Nazi in the years running up to the war, was also quite cozy with the infamous Nazi movement here in the U.S. called the Siver Shirts. His show rose to the rank of most popular radio show, but ultimately was brought down by several groups working together, including the Catholic Church, both political parties and everyday Americans. The Silver Shirts were disbanded because both political parties worked together against them and stopped them. Neighbor to neighbor.

During the civil rights movement, Martin Luther King taught peace, love, being present and talking together, while building coalitions across communities. He based his work on Ghandi. It started with some uneasy conversations, building relationships and grew as the communities worked together.

Nobody has a panacea solution, but I do know this:  we are all capable of baby steps.

I also think we are capable of uncomfortable steps.

Remember, if after losing 700,000 Americans in the Civil War, President Lincoln could share the following in his second inaugural speech, I believe we all can take some uncomfortable, but important steps as well:

“With malice toward none; with charity for all; with firmness in the right as God gives us to see the right, let us strive on to finish the work we are in; to bind up the nation's wounds; to care for him who shall have borne the battle and for his widow and his orphan - to do all which may achieve and cherish a just and a lasting peace among ourselves and with all nations”

Abraham Lincoln

March 4, 1865
 

So maybe, just maybe, we can do the same.

Finally, take some time to be sad, happy or simply tentative this week, and take some time to heal if you need to, but do take that one small and uncomfortable step, as soon as you can.

Have a great week.

M

PS: as always, likes and shares are appreciated.